Marriage n Kids

1987 and wow I was a doctor.  I had the power in me to save humanity or to kill someone... hopefully never!!  

I was soon to discover that I could connect with people in ways that would surprise me. Empathy and love would just flow and soon I was enjoying helping each soul heal and get better from whatever ailed them.  I loved practice and especially enjoyed working with children.

Upon fulfilling my National Service duties, I was married to Amarjit on the 19th of March 1989. It surprised me but I really needed to settle down.  I was bored of being alone and in Amarjit lay my hopes for the future.  A partner that I could respect, both intellectually and for the person she was.   Despite being a lawyer, she was loving, patient and had a humility about her that in my heart I knew would be essential in having and raising good children.  I fell in love with my kids before they were born as I imagined what each of them would be like.

Soon we were expecting our first child and on the 5th of February 1990 I held in my arms a little angel named Kavina.  She had features of both Amarjit and me but was so utterly beautiful and perfect that at the moment I set eyes on her all questions about God's existence vanished.

Accepting God was a revelation.  I believe that he would provide all that we wished for and he did.  

If we wanted a sterilizer for Kavina's bottles, someone would gift us one.  A baby chair and before I could purchase one, magically someone would give us one.  A car seat and again one would be given to us.  I was working as a locum before Kavina's birth and hoped to find steady employment as a GP in a group practice and 2 months before she was born I was offered a job that I would enjoy for the next 10 years.

Then I wished for company for Kavina.. and on the 1st of February 1991, a beautiful, petite but oh-so-demanding little Amreeta was born.  Where Kavina was easy to look after, Amreeta would cry the house down if she was kept waiting for longer than 2 minutes.  It would take us 15 minutes to settle her.  She would never allow us to put her down and she wanted attention every minute she was awake.  

Kavina took to looking after her sister from the day she was born.  She wanted to participate in all activities like bathing, feeding and nappy changing, but amazingly never showed jealousy or cried when Amreeta received attention before she did.

I attributed Amreeta's temper to Amarjit's mood during pregnancy.  Amarjit was snappy, upset and angry through most of the pregnancy.  It was probably from her frustration at getting pregnant so soon after Kavina.  I suspect she believed that if she breast-fed she could not conceive a child.  If only she knew that I knew otherwise!!

Amreeta had features and a smile that could captivate anyone's attention.  She appeared to be a wise little person in a little baby's body.  (Little did I realise then how right my impressions were.) She knew her likes and dislikes and would express her frustration instantly.  Her features - pixie-like face, large gorgeous round eyes, sharp nose, cute pouty lips and her distinct quackity voice were more like her mom's whereas Kavina's almond-eyes, bushy eyebrows, large forehead, big nose and well shaped lips were more from my side of the family.

Amarjit and I were just starting off our separate careers but somehow we knew that if we had a dream, God would fulfill it.  This later would pan out to be what 'The Secret" was all about - The Law of  Attraction.  

We purchased our dream home, a beautiful single-storey bungalow, despite everyone telling us we were crazy to do so.  Our parents were very supportive and had provided us a headstart that allowed us to renovate the house  the way we wanted.  

This is when I discovered  I had a love and a flair for design and colour-coordinating as well as for landscaping.  Designing and building the house consumed all my spare time.  

The Beginnings

Being a scientifically-inclined person since childhood,  God and religion were subjects I had to prove existed... My parents, Sohinder and Inderbir were both respected teachers.  Our primary language of communication had always been English.  My parents were religious and we were taught to do prayers, read scripture and pray in a language that was not only difficult for us kids but which our dear parents too found difficult to translate... Punjabi!!

My brother Gurinder, my parents, my sister Taninder and I debated every topic under the sun at the dinner table.  My dad would encourage free thought but my mum would silently pray that we would one day accept our religion and culture.  Mum derived from a very strictly religious background.  Her father, Wazir Singh was a major influence in not only the family but the community. 

Despite the free thought that dad promoted he held to one thing dearly, almost fanatically... Sikhism and the keeping of his hair, turban and other aspects of religion.  He drilled it into our heads that if we were to cut off our hair or go against the religion we would not only displease and disappoint him but we would also be disowned.  I personally attributed this to the fact that when dad was 14, his father, Jang Bahadur Singh, had shorn his hair and dispensed with the turban for 'health' reasons.  Dad was so upset, he did not speak to Grandad for 2 years!!

So we were allowed to think whatever we liked but we were forced to follow dad's wishes in fear of being disowned.  If not for the fact that dad was the most loving, caring and giving father a child could have, except for his occasional violent temper, my brother and I would easily have done what we thought was best!!  Filial piety and not piety kept us "good" Sikhs.

Our schooling was in Catholic mission schools where we were taught by some close-minded teachers that evolution was a myth despite all our protests.  We were made to believe in Moral Instruction that being non-Christians we could not enter heaven.  I have had several conversations with 'God' to plead for my case,  I promised to be good, to help where I could, to not commit any sin and to love all God's creations but the myopic priests and teachers still excluded me from his heaven as I would not accept Christianity as my religion.  And so my trust and belief in God waned!!

Later in secondary school, St Patrick's, I argued that like Sikhism taught, all religions are but different ways to God but again I was shut out of the kingdom of heaven by my intolerant teachers as I was not Christian.  They said even if I were good I would have to go through Purgatory, and accept Christ, before I could even dream of entering heaven.  God could not be so cruel, I was determined to be an exception and so I fought on.  However in my heart I felt more and more rejected and so more and more I distanced myself from God through no fault of his.

Junior College & Medical School was where the scientific method was taught to us and if one could not prove the existence of something, one was trained to deny its existence!!  Further and further away God grew, though all this time I had maintained the external symbols of my faith, Sikhism.

It was not until 1990 when my first child Kavina was born that I accepted God as a fact.